“Don’t worry, they’ll outgrow it”. Is this something you’ve heard before? After years of waiting and being frustrated, people are saying they’ve had enough! This is why we continue to see more teenagers and adults enter our program. They don’t want to wait another year.
Your pediatrician is undoubtedly committed to your child’s health and wellbeing, yet wetting the bed is not a medical condition. So without expertise in the field of bedwetting treatment, doctors are often telling families to wait, and this can come with a price.
There may also be well-meaning family members or friends who suggest to wait. Or perhaps you, yourself, had outgrown bedwetting, and it seemed logical to wait for your child to outgrow it as well.
Yet outgrowing bedwetting is not a certainty. In fact, if it should happen, doing so may be counterproductive to one’s health. More about that in a moment.
We know what bedwetters and their families are experiencing with the day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month challenge of waiting…of having to even think about bedwetting. The costly disposable diapers, the wet sheets, the labor to clean the sheets; living with the resignation, guilt, and confusion. This causes stress, of course, and it’s actually unnecessary and can be ended. We imagine you’re feeling relieved to hear that.
We’ve heard hundreds of stories of despair over the years, and we’d like to share one here that highlights the impact of holding on to the hope that bedwetting will be outgrown.
We are focusing on teen bedwetting. Since the average of our patients is 15. So here’s the story about 13-year-old Ben.
Imagine you’re a boy of 13 who is in middle school with lots of friends, and you excel in sports. Your academic, family, and personal life are all going well. Yet you live every day with a secret–one that you have been keeping for most of your life.
There have also been limitations and consequences for you that are hidden from others. Perhaps you’ve had to turn down invitations to sleepovers and avoid camp stays, and your friends began to wonder why. Slowly they stopped inviting you, and your world got smaller and disconnected.
You had reached a point where you pleaded with your mom to stop asking the doctor for bedwetting help during your Well Visit. After all, what’s the point? All you keep hearing is “Wait, Ben…you’ll outgrow it. You will not have to wet the bed for long. One day you’ll just suddenly stop. Can’t say when, though”. Surely it’s discouraging and embarrassing to talk about your bedwetting any further.
In the back of your mind, you must be feeling helpless. Maybe you’re resigned to thinking you’ll have to live with the hardships of bedwetting for the rest of your life.
“Why can’t a doctor fix this”?
Going to bed every night is difficult knowing that when you open your eyes in the morning, you’ll feel the cold, wet bed or diaper, and you may start your day discouraged. We are guessing you’re feeling unrested as well. This is another sign of the sleep disorder at the heart of the bedwetting issue.
Let’s explore that assertion here.
With 42 years as bedwetting specialists, we clearly understand the relationship between a deep, heavy sleep pattern and bedwetting. In fact, our entire process is based on a groundbreaking study that was discovered by our founder, Barbara Moore, in 1976. This was the breakthrough that was needed to stop bed wetting for our founder, Barbara Moore’s daughter, for whom the protocol was developed.
In 1969 when a foremost sleep researcher by the name of Dr. Roger Broughton had identified what he called the non-arousable sleep disorder, he proved the pattern of sleep for a bedwetter is far different from healthy (non-bedwetting) sleep. For the healthy sleeper, the body actually goes through various sleep cycles. We cycle from light to deep (Stage 1 to Stage 4), then enter a lighter stage known as REM (dream sleep), and then we begin all over again. This cycle occurs approximately every 90-120 minutes, and this is what creates restful sleep and ensures the brain is appropriately nourished and responsive.
Such is not the case with the specific pattern of sleep that produces bedwetting. Dr. Broughton spent years studying sleep and validating why bedwetting happens. This is why our approach is based on his findings and why it’s working. It’s based in science. Our program has been highly successful since we have been treating patients from this proven perspective. When a 13-year-old like Ben falls asleep, they drop into a very deep, heavy sleep and stall rather than cycle. He remains in this very hard sleep much longer than is required, and it can rob him of the opportunity for restorative, restful sleep. It’s actually a sleep deficiency. Anytime there’s a deficit in any given situation in life, it has a negative effect. So imagine if someone is experiencing bad sleep every night of their life? Parents of a seven year old cannot image the possibility of their child experiencing teen bedwetting. Yet it’s a real concern, and it gets increasingly more detrimental as time goes on.
For tweens and teens, sleep is even more important. “One possible implication of our study is that if you lose too much sleep during adolescence, especially chronically, there may be lasting consequences in terms of the wiring of the brain,” according to investigator Chiara Cirelli, MD, PhD, associate professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin’s School of Medicine and Public Health. “Adolescence is a sensitive period of development during which the brain changes dramatically. There is a massive remodeling of nerve circuits, with many new synapses formed and then eliminated.”
Let’s take a moment to take a closer look into the stage of REM sleep.
- REM sleep important to the health of the brain for many reasons, including the creation of long-term memories.
- REM sleep also increases brain activity, promotes learning, and creates dreams.
- REM is also attributed to the fact that during this phase of sleep, your brain exercises important neural connections which are key to mental and overall well-being and health.
It’s also imperative for us to mention that not having the normal cycling of sleep stages—not accessing REM sleep regularly throughout the night and thus creating the sleep deficit–can also pose challenges during waking hours, as you can imagine. Waking up wet and tired, a bedwetter faces the day differently. Now they have to go to school and interact, and also be expected to perform to full potential. This can be quite difficult. In fact, many difficulties that a bedwetter faces—including ADD and ADHD—are not often traced back to the sleep disorder by professionals. It’s not a lack of competency; it’s a lack of proper knowledge. Therefore, challenges persist–if not increase—over time. Even if doing well academically, there is the underlying and increasingly challenging sleep issue which expresses itself more obviously over time.
Also worthy of noting: We have seen over the years that as a child continues to wet and becomes more acutely aware of their challenges and feeling “different” or even defeated, they tend to withdraw from social activities that are important to them, but are now feeling too uncomfortable to participate in.
We mentioned that outgrowing bed wetting can be counterproductive to one’s health. That’s because IF somebody happens to outgrow the bedwetting issue, the sleep disorder remains, and other symptoms can emerge over time such as sleep apnea, sleep walking, night terrors, excessive snoring, teeth grinding, etc. There can be unpleasant life-altering consequences to each of these. Changing the pattern of sleep is not only going to stop bedwetting, it’s also going to prevent any other symptoms from developing.
Our experience has shown that once the sleep pattern has been impacted and there’s normal cycling, as Dr. Broughton references, healthy sleep cycling has a chance to take root. You begin to see significant improvements, such as with disposition, focus, concentration, energy expenditure, alertness, connection, etc.
When a patient is free of detrimental sleep and achieving good sleep for the first time in their lives, positive benefits abound. Besides, it’s rewarding to see your child start their day in a dry bed and knowing you made that difference for them. And what an enormous difference they will feel!
Working 42 years as bedwetting specialists, we have helped thousands of children, tweens, teens—and yes, adults–who continue wetting the bed. We find most of our adult patients have led solitary, isolated lives hiding in shame. This is sad and unfortunate considering that nobody has to live with bedwetting. Nobody.
83% of parents of 9-16 year olds tell us that they regret following their physician’s advice to wait. They reported feeling misled and dismissed. You can see the impact that the hoping, wishing, and waiting can have. We are here to ensure that our patients experience the sleep they are born to have—need to have–and the dry bed every morning that they deserve to have.
International Director and First Patient of ETC