How to Approach This Sensitive Issue With Empathy
As a parent of a child who experiences bedwetting, you understand the complexities and challenges that come with this condition. Yet beyond the practical concerns of laundry and clean-ups, there’s a more subtle yet profound issue at play: Shame. For many children who struggle with bedwetting, the weight of shame can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of embarrassment, guilt, and inadequacy.
We know parents aren’t pointing fingers at their child or maligning them for the involuntary emptying of their bladder at night, yet we want you to be aware of the subtle signs of shame that may arise within them regardless, and to approach the issue with compassion, understanding, and support.
First let’s take a look at the stigma surrounding bedwetting and why it exists:
- Lack of understanding: Historically, bedwetting has been misunderstood, leading to misconceptions about its causes and implications.
- Cultural and societal norms: In many cultures, bladder control is seen as a key milestone in a child’s development. Bedwetting is often viewed as a failure to achieve this milestone.
- Shame and embarrassment: Bedwetting can be embarrassing for children, leading to feelings of shame and self-consciousness.
- Association with immaturity: Bedwetting is often associated with younger children, leading to assumptions that individuals who experience bedwetting are immature or lacking in self-control.
- Lack of open discussion: Bedwetting is often stigmatized because it’s not openly discussed. This silence perpetuates misconceptions and reinforces the stigma.
- Misinformation and myths: Widespread misinformation and myths about bedwetting–such as the idea that it’s caused by laziness or poor parenting–contribute to the stigma.
- Historical views: In the past, bedwetting was sometimes seen as a sign of psychological or emotional issues. While this view is no longer supported, the stigma persists.
Here are some potential signs of shame to watch for:
Verbal Cues:
- Self-blame: Your child might say things like “I’m so stupid” or “I’m a baby” after a bedwetting incident.
- Apologetic tone: They might excessively apologize for the wetting episode.
- Secrecy: Your child might try to hide the bedwetting incident or deny it happened.
Non-Verbal Cues:
- Avoidance behaviors: Your child might avoid discussing the topic, start hiding their soiled clothes or bedding, or resist helping with cleaning up.
- Body language: They might display closed-off or defensive body language, such as crossing their arms, avoiding eye contact, or hanging their head in shame.
- Withdrawal: Bedwetting can lead to social withdrawal, as the child might feel embarrassed or ashamed to participate in activities like camp stays and sleepovers.
Behavioral Cues:
- Increased anxiety: Bedwetting can cause significant anxiety, leading to increased stress and worry about future incidents.
- Low self-esteem: Repeated experiences of shame and guilt can erode your child’s self-esteem, making them more vulnerable to negative self-talk and self-doubt.
- Regression: In some cases, shame and embarrassment can cause the child to regress to earlier behaviors, such as wetting themselves during the day or exhibiting tantrums.
Other Signs:
- Increased accidents: Shame can actually exacerbate bedwetting, as your child may become more anxious as time goes by, leading to increased wetting episodes.
- Difficulty with emotional regulation: Children who experience shame due to bedwetting might struggle with managing their emotions, leading to mood swings, irritability, or explosive behavior.
We’ve met bedwetters who were absolutely torn up inside by their own self-judgement. They’ve reported that they felt all alone with their bedwetting problem, and shared feeling that there’s something really wrong with them. Often they didn’t tell their parents what they were thinking and feeling…not until they attended phone visits with their parents and their Bedwetting Treatment Therapist. We realized that even if a child doesn’t speak about their inner turmoil doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. As with anything that remains silent, it often comes out in later days and in more challenging ways.
By acknowledging the impact of shame on children with bedwetting, we can begin to create a more supportive and compassionate environment for them to thrive. As parents and advocates for your child’s wellbeing, you have the power to reshape the narrative around bedwetting, replacing stigma and shame with understanding and empathy. Together, we can help children break free from the burdens of shame, fostering resilience, confidence, and a deeper understanding of their own worth and dignity. They deserve nothing less.
